Last night, before watching the U.S. election returns, i noticed that i was worrying about things in my life incessantly. I know, at least intellectually, that worry too often does us no good because it sends us into a mental loop that doesn’t actually prevent things from happening. And i get caught in that habitual loop way more often than i enjoy.

Somehow i remembered worry dolls and even though i have some, i felt that i wanted something more concrete. So, i decided to write out my worries and then burn the little pieces of paper. A helpful worry nudged me into doing that safely: Over a bowl of water.

Here are all my worries (click on the little pic to enlarge it):

I am worried that i don’t matter.

I am worried that i’ll never be good enough.
I am worried that i won’t survive.

I am worried that i’ll never be loved again.
I am worried that i’ll never be happy.

I am worried that i’ll never be able to on my gifts.

I am worried that i’ll never make a living that is joyful.

And then i burned my worries, letting them drop into the bowl of water after the flames had eaten up the worry.

I soon realized that not everything burned – there was another worry!

I burned that one, too, and then noticed that it didn’t matter that i let the piece of paper drop into the water before the flames got too close: What didn’t burn dissolved in water!

I have no idea of this ritual will help me let go of these worries that are – unlike the worry that helped me make this ritual safe – not helpful to me. They get me stuck in the good-girl-habit, immobilized to take actions that would bring me closer to emotional freedom. I found it helpful, though, to articulate them. I learned a few things – for example, i hadn’t admitted to myself how much i am struggling with aging (that’s reflected in the worry about not being loved).

And maybe i can play a trick on my mind: Reminding myself that i burned these worries, which means i let them go! I suspect that, like everything else, this is a process and i’ll ritually let go of these worries again and again until they lessen their grip on my life. We’ll see!

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