In a previous post, I remarked that choosing to be single feels like a rather uppity thing to do. I promised to explain.

According to the Urban Dictionary “uppity” means (ignore the other two definitions!):

Taking liberties or assuming airs beyond one’s place in a social hierarchy. Assuming equality with someone higher up the social ladder.

As a single person, I am at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The hierarchy that starts with singles, then unmarried couples, then married couples. I am supposed to move up to the top by marrying someone. Instead, I dare to choose to be single and demand that I am equal to married folks. I want the hierarchy demolished but I am expected, socially, to respect it. And on top of that, I am not sad about my single status and don’t do anything to change it. In fact, I am happily single and would like to stay this way (both happy and single 😉 ).

Now, I also commented that this is uppity even for a feminist. Although many feminists have questioned marriage, a lot of them don’t. In fact, there are feminists who marry (amongst them Gloria Steinem). Feminism can incorporate marriage as a possibility by working toward egalitarian marriages. Something I find actually rather appalling. So, my choice to be single implies my critique of marriage as an outmoded, patriarchal institution that I don’t want to be a part of (well, not again, since I’ve been married before). Instead of attempting to create egalitarian marriages, my choice is to demand we find different ways of relating to each other, where relationshipse go beyond the dyadic. Thus, it is also demanding equality in the male-female hierarchy but also a call for questioning more than the equality of pay, for example, or equal access to everything, though this is also extremely important.

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