This time of the year is always difficult for me. I tend to disappear in all the “holiday cheer.” I don’t celebrate Christmas. I don’t believe in a God, Christian or otherwise. Yet, when you wish me “Merry Christmas,” you don’t see that part of me. And that hurts. “Happy holidays” sounds hallow, too. There are no holidays i celebrate around this time. The inner voices then tell me to just “get into the spirit,” which i guess means ignoring myself, too. So, feel free to call me a scrooge. This year i won’t disappear.

I could celebrate winter solstice. I do enjoy that it means that the days are getting longer again. Yet, i also know that it marks the beginning of winter for the rain (or snow) falls heaviest in January through March – here in the Northern hemisphere. I really celebrate the appearance of berries at the farmers’ market. That marks the end of winter. And i don’t like winter. It’s dark and cold. Yeah, yeah, time to cuddle up in front of the fire. I’d rather be outside in the warm spring sun!

This post sounds like a big complaint. In a way it is. I am just tired of holding it all in, of pretending that i like this season because everybody else claims they do (and many don’t really). I wonder what would happen if those of us who aren’t enjoying winter speak up and say so. I wonder what would happen if those of us who don’t celebrate holidays around this time would stop pretending. And i wonder what might emerge instead. Maybe there is a way of being during this season that honors all of this – after all no matter how much i don’t like the shorter days and the rain, they won’t go away! They might be easier to bear if i can say “i don’t like them and i still do something to enjoy life.” Let’s see what the something will be that emerges out of this authenticity.

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