The Violence Connection
It started with an out-of-context quote by Audre Lorde that i traced back to the context, which made it even more powerful:
We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings. But, once recognized, those which do not enhance our future lose their power and can be altered. The fear of our deepest cravings keeps them suspect and indiscriminately powerful, for to suppress any truth is to give it strength beyond endurance. The fear that we cannot grow beyond whatever distortions we may find within ourselves keeps us docile and loyal and obedient, externally defined, and leads us to accept many facets of our own oppression as women.
Lorde writes this within the context of erotic power – the “yes” here refers to sexuality, which we have been taught to suppress, especially as women, as something that gets in the way of, ultimately, leading a productive life (as defined within the context of our economic system). In our culture sexuality is framed very gendered: Male sexuality is an expression of power and female sexuality is something mysterious, yet dangerous. This gendered frame prevents us from using sexuality as a form of connection, as the bonobos use it, and places it squarely in the realm of violence – from microaggression to rape.
In their book Sex and World Peace, Valerie Hudson, Bonnie Ballif-Spanvill, Mary Caprioli, and Chad Emmett define gendered microaggression as the composition (17):
of all those many choices and acts in the routine day-to-day existence that harm, subordinate, exploit, and disrespect women. These “little” things, experienced day after day, year after year, ground the society in gender inequality and all of its sequelae. Given that gendered microaggression becomes entrenched in daily living, these pernicious norms are the air breathed in by children of both sexes, and they become as natural and invisible to that next generation as air itself. What is viewed as normal is not only invisible but becomes something that is not spoken about either. Silence, often self-imposed, is the sturdy ally of gendered microaggression.
Declaring women’s “deepest cravings” to be “suspect and indiscriminately powerful” is a form of microaggression. The gendered frame is a form of microaggression. Actually two: When men learn to use sexuality to express and maintain their power, it harms and exploits women and when women’s sexuality is shrouded in mystery, it disrespects women. It also contributes to the perpetuation of the microaggression: Women learn to fear male sexuality, completely removing sexuality as a form of connection.
What happens, though, when sexual power becomes the only available means of expressing power for men? When they have been disempowered by a hierarchical system that puts a few men on top of the pyramid? Violence against women increases. That’s the case, for example, in South Africa and in India. And it will probably get worse as the economic infrastructure weakened by increasing inequality crumbles even more.
This, then, implicates the economic structure of society in the extent of violence against women: A society that creates classes, hierarchies that put some in power and others under those in power, perpetuates violence against women because it combines a power-over structure with an ethos of masculinity that brings this power-over into gender relations. Put differently, as long as we have an economic system that breeds and rewards competition, violence against women will be endemic because this will be how powerless men are taught to express their power diverting their frustration from a system that disenfranchises them, thus ensuring that the system remains unchallenged.
As Audrey Lorde points out, women learn to accept these definitions, making us complicit in our own oppression. This internalized oppression is also a microaggression because it prevents us from standing up for ourselves, or as Lorde put it, it “keeps us docile and loyal and obedient” easy victims of violence against women. And that, too, ensures the continuation of a system that disenfranchises the many by empowering the few.
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Amen…..wouldn’t it be nice if we could all laugh at the sarcasm and satire, as in tv jokes about politics that get us chuckling and smiling at the horrors our leaders perpetuate, (with our fear-indifference to support them,)……but then do what the satirists and artists all mean for us to do: get up,organize and act to take care of the situation and make the change??
something, it must be fear and overwhelm, but also isolation, stops us, or has us postponing what we know must be done…….when i read the news, that’s all i see…….i keep saying: we’ve known this for so long….why have we waited till the 12th hour?…..and i see the folks around me fervent in their dogmas about God saving the righteous, which, of course is ”us”…..whoever that is……
YES! I’ve been pondering for a while now what keeps us stuck and how we can break through the stuckness… I think it’s a combination of psychological factors and the was our culture is structured. We’re not taught to be flexible, to embrace change.
….but, to leave some light in the tunnel….the utter illogic that humans used to get into this mess leaves more of it open to suddenly turn things around…….unexpectedly…..like the fall of the soviet power and its crony satelites….
maybe another basic element we’ve neglected is knowing how tiny our human influence is on our universe, bottom line, despite the mess we’re making of this planet’s surface…..and how many unknowns we still face on this globe…..we actually know little of its secrets and powers…….
dont laugh, but i read a theory that we are in reality, actually a VIRTUAL WORLD programmed (in some war-game) on some nerd’s computer somewhere………have u heard that one?
That sounds like something from the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” that postulates that we’re all part of a huge experiment by mice (and they’re rather appalled that we can’t get it together and thus are working feverishly on a replacement earth to try again…).
Maybe these stories reflect our deep seated belief that “everything will turn out alright in the end”… It’s all just a dream (or nightmare) and we’ll wake up out of it soon and everything will be all wonderful and rosy…
It seems to me, though, that such stories detract from the harsh reality that we’re screwing up our living environment royally and if we don’t change on a large scale, there’s not much hope for the survival of the human species (and we’ll drag down many others, as we are already doing). It’s not some malicious programmer somewhere doing this. It’s us: every single one of us shares in the responsibility (and some of us more than others…).
…now that i expressed my utter pain via sarcasm (apologies for that, too)….i can tackle some aspect of this greatest of human tragedies…..violence against women (let me add, children, to be accurate in my expression)….
i see a deep, primal connection of this topic to the LUST for POWER which i believe is another side of the coin of FEAR, ISOLATION, and SHAME ……the basic ingredients in our human culture we call civilization.
i so so agree that solving one helps the other…..but the magnitude of it all is overbearing…….thus the sarcasm, escapism and despair…….
tall order to work on, the best part being seeing the connections between these ………..so not to underplay any one of them
Yes, that is what is so overwhelming: This system seems so securely in place even understanding how it works (or maybe especially understanding how it works) does not change it. It is not clear at all how we can topple it – or even if we can. Sometimes i think that this is all just going to run its course – and the human species will become extinct because we just couldn’t get it together to solve the problems that are killing us. I see a direct connection also between violence against women and children, those who are perceived as weaker, and the environment. After all that is “mother nature” – a woman – who is being raped and abused…
…..what a strange breed we human ‘monkeys’ are…….we love sex, so we taboo it……..we hate violence, so we worship it and put all our talents to enhancing, professionalizing, and perfecting it into decorated mass armies…..
….excuse my sarcasm……
Very good points, Shira! I think the sarcasm is bringing them home even more clearly!