The Challenge of Sex — 5 Comments

  1. Hello all,

    I am commenting on this post 18 months after it was written. I have to say, this is one of the most stilted conversations I’ve ever encountered in an environment where this topic is a core theme. In 2010 to even have to question whether masturbation is ‘okay’ or ‘normal’ is astonishing.

    When we discuss the nuances of being single, this is a big subject. It’s especially big since people’s need for sex is one of the primary things that keeps them in relationships they don’t necessarily want to be in. So when we talk about being single, and keeping sexually active, there are basically two possibilities — playing with those we’re not ‘in a serious relationship with’, or masturbation.

    I’m in the midst of a survey of blogs devoted to this subject, and I’m starting to see a pattern of — what seems to be — avoiding the topic of masturbation. Is this for the usual reasons, that it’s embarrassing or supposedly extra specially taboo? I would imagine — in my imaginary world — that part of the single movement would be an open and out conversation about masturbation, what it means, how it feels, working through these supposed taboos, and creative approaches.

    I wonder — is there any conversation of sharing masturbation with friends? This is a sexual mode that avoids many of the problems, trappings and assumptions of partnersex, but is really about authentic sexual sharing.

    What about singles who relate sexually to couples?

    We need these kinds of conversations and I think we’re ready.

    Eric Francis
    author — book of blue
    editor —

    • Eric: I am not exactly sure what “conversation” you are referring, too, but you did notice that i was reviewing a book that was written in the early 1970s? Our views in 2010 benefit greatly from breaking the taboos around masturbation that happened around that time…

  2. As a sex therapist, I see many singles in my practice, especially people that are newly divorced. What is this notion that without sex you’re going to shrivel up and die? I think you make a good point that celibacy can be a time for reflection. Also, sex for one is a good way to learn about your own physical responses to sensual stimulation.

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