There was commitment – and still is!
The most important commitment I made in 2008 was a commitment to myself. I realized that I had been getting into relationships that drew me off my life path. I figured that turning 40 was the perfect opportunity to make a major commitment to being single by choice. And what a scary commitment that is! What if I inadvertently reject my soul mate? I worked with this idea throughout the year, realizing that even when we get into an intimate, conjugal relationship, we are in effect rejecting other potential relationship partners. So, there’s always the “danger” that we miss our soul mate. And then I grappled with the idea of “soul mate” itself. Was there really such a thing? I came to the conclusion that there wasn’t. There is not one person out there who will meet all my needs, or even many of my needs. Instead of focusing on finding one person, I decided to spend my time and energy on building a friendship circle with many intimate relationships (and reclaiming the idea that “intimate” means sharing from the heart). To cement this commitment to myself, which includes a conscious choice to be single but part of a friendship network, I celebrated my 40th birthday with friends and included a commitment ceremony. I even have a ring!
I then went on to talk about the dragons, which I’ve introduced here before.
I describe this as my “coming out” as single. Using this term is a bit tricky since coming out as LGBT is acknowledging a biological fact. Being single is a choice, a result of experiences. So, coming out as a single means accepting this as a valid choice that does not have to be hidden. It is similar to the idea of coming out as atheist promoted by Richard Dawkins. It’s a fact of our life and nothing to be ashamed of.