Spinster by Choice
Let’s start with some definitions.
From Merriam-Webster:
1 a: woman whose occupation is to spin
2 b: an unmarried woman and especially one past the common age for marrying
3 a: woman who seems unlikely to marry
2b is also the definition given in the New Oxford American Dictionary.
Here’s some history I gleaned from these two dictionaries:
The word comes from 14th century Middle English. It described a woman who spins. Starting in the 17th century, the word was added to a name to designated the legal status of an unmarried woman: Rachel Musing of San Francisco, Spinster. Since the 18th century, it’s been used more derogatory. Based on the pre-Civil War history, this probably happened in the later part of that century. “In modern everyday English, however, spinster cannot be used to mean simply ‘unmarried woman’; it is now always a derogatory term, referring or alluding to a stereotype of an older woman who is unmarried, childless, prissy, and repressed” (NOAD). Such definitions contribute to the social stigma of the term.
A very thorough history of the word “spinster” is presented here by another unmarried woman who is a journalist. A few things that caught my attention (I highly recommend the whole post! Note: The post seems to have disappeared… – 3/3/2013):
Apparently, Martin Luther started the trend of denigrating single life with words such as “one cannot be unmarried without sin.” Burning witches apparently is not sinful… Though he was followed, in time at least, by one strong single woman: Elizabeth I. Although spinsters were mostly ignored around the Queen’s time, they became stereotyped in the 17th century. In the 1950s, a former eugenicist became an expert on getting women ready for marriage.
The main definition seems to be “woman past usual/common age for marrying.” Okay. So, let’s take a look at the median age of marriage for women. Based on the U.S. Census’ 2007 American Community Survey 1-Year Estimate, the median age of a woman at first marriage is 26. This means that any woman above 26 is a spinster! Sure takes the air out of the image of a wrinkled old witch as the spinster that was bobbing around in my head… The oldest median age at marriage for women appears to be 37 in Chile (this page is a bit scares on sources, so who knows if this is correct…). Also, not quite the very old woman I had in mind… Time to abandon that stereotype! Incidentally, this might be a more successful way of abandoning it than paying homage to “the spinster.” The word is not going away. Instead we could dismantle the stereotype.
As my internal debate on whether to embrace “spinster by choice” or stick with the slightly less burdened (and gender-neutral) “single by choice” continues, I realize that both are simply labels. What really matters is how I live my life. Although, using a rebellious label might be a better reflection of how I want to live my life. Based on this last consideration, I rather like “spinster by choice”!
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hi 🙂 i really liked your article, in fact, i enjoyed it. However, the first thing that attracted me is the title: Spinster by Chance. i have to do a research about this topic; spinsterhood in the world and in the Islamic nation, and i wanted to know the origin of the word ….so, your article helped me a lot. To tell you the truth, i’m 22 years old and i’m afraid to become a spinster …don’t know why but in first i rejected any idea on marriage or anything related to relationship with man cus the only thing they want is to “screw” us and sorry for the term. so don’t know hhhh i might be a foul. so thnx for the article, it was helpful 🙂
Actually I read somewhere that spinsters worldwide are reclaiming this word. I have personally called myself a spinster from the age of 17, I don’t know, but I really like this world. I mean there has got to be something that differentiates a spinster from a “single woman”, who could be unmarried, widowed or divorced.
And single could also refer to some1 who is desperately looking for a man to get married, who is maybe advertising that she is available!!
We spinsters are not like that, we have chosen not to get married. “Spinster” sort of tells the world that Hey!! I am NOT available!!
So I guess, single by choice equals Spinster ??
And ya, I am the typical spinster- self righteous and cat loving, and have no qualms about it 🙂 !!
I call myself a spinster it didnt accour to me that others called themselves it too.
Im 28 been single for every glorious year and have been calling myself a spinster since the ripe young age of 13 and ever since I have been bombarded by people telling me that finding someone will makes a person complete which in a round about way they are telling me that I am incomplete because I dont have a partner.
But I enjoy my single life I have been able to do what I want when I want without having to answer to anyone. I dont sit at home longing for the warmth of another body nor do I feel incomplete.
In all honesty I dont know why people are so confused with single people because my friends both male and female are always complaining about partners or arguing with their partners which has always been somthing that does not appeal to me.
I embrace the title Spinster I feel that people only have a problem with singletons who enjoy single life because they cant fathom the concept of contentment with yourself and freedom of choice. But this of course is just my opinion I may even sound like a loony to some
Oh and I dont like cats Im a dog person always have been always will be I love reptiles too 🙂
Actually, I think a man who is unmarried and childless past the age of 35 = bachelor; playboy
A man who is unmarried and childless past the age 35 = gay
A woman who is unmarried and childless past the age 35 = future crazy cat lady
Oh, I was just telling someone on Onely (I think it was Singlutionary) that Spinster used to mean “a woman who spins”, but I couldn’t remember where I heard that. Now I remember–I read it here, just a couple days ago. Oh, my short-term memory.
Anyway, thanks for the low-down Rachel. It’s timely because I just finished reading a terrific book, “travels in endangered languages.” The author is amazing, and sensitive to linguistic nuance and the power of words. However, he blithely described one of his interviewees as a “spinster aunt of X”, when her marriage status had absolutely no bearing on their interview.
I loved his book and was SO disappointed to see this usage. However, if even someone as aware of the power of language as he is wields the “s” word so casually, then this just shows how ensconced singlism is in our society–so insidious that people just can’t even see it. Yikes.
I might write the author a letter. Not a nastygram, because I did love his book, just a “heads up” note. I’ll do that in all my spare time, or in my dreams.
Christina
I wonder how long it’ll take before the script of Numbers will be getting a matrimanical make-over!
The idea behind using “spinster” to describe ourselves would be to counteract the negativity associated with that label because we’re spinsters who aren’t “home alone reading and not having any friends.”
I don’t know… I don’t really like the word spinster. Even spinster by choice is kind of negative. It’s like “wallflower by choice” or “bookworm” by choice or “home alone reading and not having any friends” by choice. Even though it’s by choice, I don’t like any of the terms that would be perceived generally by people as negative.
The problem is that being single is perceived as negative in general. Man I was at the supermarket the other day and every tabloid is like “Will They Marry”? “She’s Lonely and Thinking of Him!” “Will She Ever Find THE ONE?” That’s why I only read World Weekly News. Batboy is single and good for him!
I think that there is such a huge marketing push for marriage and romance. You can hear it in pop music. You can see it in greeting cards (and that whole card industry – Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, etc). Romance novels, TV shows, romantic comedies – they are all marketing.
There’s a TV show called Numbers (or Numb3rs) that I really like. Virtually everyone on the show is single. The dad is a widower and the two sons (FBI agent and Math Whiz Professor) are either dating people or have a girlfriend. But the girlfriend is independent. It’s one of the few cultural shows that doesn’t push the marriage on people.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been a spinster since I was 13 mainly cause I’ve had the same independent attitude which still serves me well today!