Pretty much ever since I’ve started going back to school, I’ve been watching out for dragons. I know from past experience that I am most vulnerable to get into unhealthy relationships when I am getting back onto my path – and going back to school is a major, major readjustment of my life back onto my path. And still, they sneak up on me. Early last semester, I noticed their whisper and saw a counselor. It turned out that they snuck in via anxiety. Anxiety about breaking the rules (I shouldn’t give up a career with a great income) and making my own path (go down the well-travelled one). Apparently, they like the beginning of the semester. They’ve been working on me again this semester. Until I hit bottom this morning – I wanted a hug desperately, preferably from a big, strong guy who would protect me (from the dragons, maybe?). Couple that with beating up on myself for feeling this way, and I ended up in a hole. I knew it was time to do some mental digging – and dragon hunting. Of course, the usual ones were whispering but I just couldn’t feel the shift that I feel when I figure out how I am making myself miserable. And then it hit me! I had just decided to make another major life change last night – and do that earlier than I had originally planned. I was anxious! It is still amazing to me how a bad mood evaporates when I figure out the underlying cause. Would I still like a hug? Sure – hugs are always welcome, especially from friends! But it no longer feels like it’s necessary for my survival like it felt earlier today (nor does it need to come from a big, strong guy). Do I need a guy to save me from it all? No, thanks, I’d rather save myself – plus, I have a whole herd of dragons to protect me. Assuming I keep on taming them.

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