I’ve started watching a new show. I don’t even need a tv for it! It’s variously called “ego” (in Buddhism, for example) or the “Jackal Show” (in Nonviolent Communication). I prefer to call it my habit thinking. Whatever we call it, it’s hilarious! Well, if we can relearn to laugh with ourselves…

Today’s episode: Perfect Authenticity. I am working my way through Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. It’s all about embracing who we are, being authentic, and letting go of feeling that we are not enough (or don’t have enough). I am enjoying the book and find it really eye-opening. What I discovered on today’s episode, though, is that I had turned the practice of authenticity into something else. I had made it a should! I should be authentic. And I should do it perfectly. Adding that I am not authentic enough. I was making myself feel rather miserable with this new-found way of beating myself up – until I realized that I was doing it. Then I started to laugh! Here I was using the anti-dote to create more of what I was trying to overcome: Shame, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging,” as Brown defines it (39). And the unworthiness of belonging was in there, too! I have joined a group of people trying to transform our consciousness to live more compassionate and authentic (among other things). I felt like I was not worthy of belonging to this group! These people were so much more authentic than I am! I felt small and inadequate. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. “You’re not good enough to be amongst these people,” my dragons whispered. See! It’s a fascinating show! It’s funny and it has dragons! And I am sure there will be many, many more episodes (including reruns…).