On Love
Then i realized that i don’t (yet) have that comfort to express the same with my male friends. Somehow saying “i love you!” to them takes on a different meaning, a different sense. Aside from the assumption of heterosexuality that’s lurking there, i am bothered by the manifestation of internalized couplemania. When i say “i love you!” to a man, it must mean more – it must be that we are in a Relationship, you know, one of those relationships that is limited to a couple (and may lead to marriage). As i am contemplating making this my new practice – i have learned to give hugs, after all – i notice anxiety inside: What if the declaration of love is misunderstood? Maybe that’s part of the practice. Hugs can be misunderstood, too. I just need to be aware of this and figure out ways to clarify my intention.
Zooming out from my own conundrum to generalize, i am again reminded how much couplemania limits us, how much it downgrades friendship. It used to be different. Although those relationships are now often interpreted through the couplemanic lens of today. Maybe these women were lesbians. Or maybe they just didn’t limit their love to The One and let it flow freely. Last i checked, it’s an unlimited resource…
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I tell my friends I love them a lot, but reading this, I realized, I probably say it less to my male friends. I think, though, sometimes, we put a little bit too much emphasis on the words instead of the actions of love. I know my friends know I love them because I show them that. I’m sure your friends know, too.
Being reminded by the non-action of a friend of how painful it is to experience a disconnect between words and actions, i am realizing that showing our love is much more important than verbalizing it! Thanks for putting that back onto my radar, April!