Reading Rick Warren’s position on marriage (see the section starting with “bottom line”), made me realize what I disagree with the most: That marriage is somehow better, more valuable, more deserving of rights than any other relationship. The key to my position on marriage is that marriage should not be elevated above all other relationships. There is nothing about marriage that makes it more special/healthy/important to society than other close relationships.

Here’s my position on marriage currently, this is still evolving, so I expect my position to become clearer as I ponder this more:

1. Marriage is only one way people relate to each other. Other forms of relating are just as valid and valuable as marriage, whether these relationships are conjugal or not.
2. Using marriage as a way to distribute rights and privileges is ignoring the underlying issues that we, as a society, need to address. Universal health care, living wages, accessible & affordable education and sick leave, for example, address unfairness more directly and appropriately.
3. Valuing all ways of relating and all families will rebuild community and strengthen America by creating an atmosphere of respect for people’s choices and everybody’s way of life. Moving beyond marriage is the most inclusive way of creating community.

My vision for marriage: Marriage is one way people can express their commitment to each other but it does not make them more or less committed than people in other relationships. Nor does it give them rights, privileges, or obligations not available to others.

Here are some other interesting & thought provoking positions on marriage and relationships.