What i have learned through this is that – with a few exceptions – most of us cannot do this alone. And mainstream culture is set up for separation and isolation – the idea that we can do it by ourselves is so engrained in us that we don’t even notice it when we move into alternative realms. It’s a cultural trauma. With that discovery, i am even more interested in building a support network. I am not quite sure what it will look like. I am imagining something between my communal vision and resilience circles. Or maybe i will become a support pillar for those who seem to be able to do what i, so far at least, haven’t been able to do. For now, i am just letting things simmer and will share what bubbles up!
The first part of this year was full of discoveries and also disillusionment. I discovered just how much i am longing for being part of a group of people that supports each other in real, tangible ways – not just in the superficial ways our culture has moved toward. My main disillusionment is to realize how difficult that is to find, especially because my communal vision seems to either not shared or not understood by many despite my attempt to clarify it with music and dance metaphors (yes, i am still disappointed that those didn’t seem to have helped!). I have a sense of licking my wounds right now, taking a break from exploring, from transitioning. And out of that sense emerged this morning the realization: I want to share that, too! After all, i am trying to live my life as an experiment!