More Transitioning Coming!
I started my transition in earnest in fall of 2009 by returning to school. I had enrolled in a masters program in philosophy. Choosing philosophy was more an accident than anything else – it was one of the few departments still accepting applications when i decided that it was time to shake up my life in April of 2009. Despite of that, i had somehow gotten sucked into the idea that i went to school to get a masters in philosophy! And so when i realized that being in the program was no longer helping me grow and learn (and transition), all the messages started coming up from “you should finish what you started” to “i am a failure if i don’t get the degree.” It took me several weeks of (sometimes) rather intense self-work to get to the point of accepting that i am simply done with the program before the school says i am supposed to be done. I didn’t take all the classes yet. I didn’t write my thesis yet. But i am done. I don’t need the paper to prove it. I know it. Yet, just admitting that is very scary. And it’s even scarier to think about telling the graduate advisor this. I am so grateful for all the support from my friends with this, which makes it a tad less scary! So, now i am facing another transition point: Letting go of the crutch! Because that’s what it really was: Being in school was a crutch that allowed me to quit my job and start the transition. Telling people “i am a student” felt safer than telling them “i am designing my life.” I am ready to become a spinster: A woman who is spinning her life path! (Okay, and i need to remember to breathe 😉 ).
Yet more proof that you’re the most authentic person I know. Congrats, Rachel. I’m in awe.
Oh! Thank you so much for this, April!!!! It can be SO hard to be authentic but support like yours makes it easier! 🙂