More German Singlism
As I’ve mentioned before, I came out as a single by choice in my new years newsletter to friends and family. I am getting mostly positive reactions, including from my parents. Still, it is interesting that the blatant singlism is coming from Germany. And there I had thought that Europeans are more progressive (I am still hoping this is a result of the unrepresentative sample, though…). Although I never wrote that I’d be shunning men, period, that seems to be the message that gets across. I have several male friends, so how they’d fit into this black-and-white picture I never painted is beyond me but apparently the only legitimate way of relating to a man for a woman is to be sexually involved, what is commonly called a “relationship.” And why would I want to commit myself to being eternally single (read always alone), especially since I am so successful professionally? Uhm, I am simply not choosing one more man than a married woman. Would this person freak out the same way if I had written that I was getting married? After all, I’d be committing myself to not be in a “relationship” with a gazillion minus one guys. Now I am simply including this one guy in the gazillion… (I am eternally grateful to whoever came up with the definition of atheists as rejecting just one more god than theists. It is coming so handy in clarifying my thinking on choosing to be single). Apparently, making that point in my original newsletter didn’t get across… Yet another reminder how much consciousness raising there remains to be done.
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Well, considering that I really only have two data points, I probably shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it… There are conservatives everywhere (for example, 25% of the voters in San Francisco voted for Prop 8). One set of dismayed singlism came from an older woman, my parents’ generation; and another from a younger woman, my generation. I would love to see some more systematic cross-country comparison. My suspicion is that Europeans are more tolerant of couples living together without being married. I am not so sure, though, that singles are viewed as fully grown members of society.
Is this coming from a specific age group amongst the people in Germany who received your letter? In my experience, older people are more likely to freak out over something like your “radical” announcement. I also think of Europeans as more progressive on, sigh, almost everything (esp in the last 8 years!!), but I wonder if this mostly includes the younger generations.
I think this is so interesting: “I am eternally grateful to whoever came up with the definition of atheists as rejecting just one more god than theists. It is coming so handy in clarifying my thinking on choosing to be single” I didn’t know about that atheist thesis.
CC