Letting Go and Moving On

Sometimes rituals can help us let go and move on. So, I decided to take advantage of the supermoon this weekend. Even though I don’t really believe that there is anything magical about it, it seemed like an appropriate event for letting go. Because sunshine tends to disappear as quickly as it appears during this time of year where I live, I decided to go to the beach when the sun was out, which meant, of course, I would miss the moon. The warmth of the sun was more important to me.

Walking to the beach, I listened to Tara Brach’s latest talk “Awakening from Trance – Embracing Unlived Life” (link to audio file), which included a brief check-in meditation that set the tone for my ritual (my words, hers are slightly different):

Breathing in,
I make contact with what is going on in my body.
Breathing out,
I make space for it.

Then around 5 pm, I started my ritual. I had walked to the beach, taken my shoes & socks off, rolled up my jeans, and stepped into the water with my bare feet. I also had brought along two pieces of paper: A reminder of the relationship I want to let go of and a letter from sexism to me, which was a rather viscous outpouring of what my inner critic tends to tell me. I also had matches on me in case I felt like burning either. As I read the letter from sexism, I curled up the paper with the relationship reminder into my right fist. When I finished reading the letter, I curled that up into my left fist – finally balling up all those lies that my inner critic keeps hurling at me! I took a few breaths holding the bunched up papers in my fists.

First, I threw the bunched up picture, the relationship reminder, into the water. It bobbed in the ocean, slowly floating away from me (as I had visualized a few times before). Then a wave picked it up, broke over it, and – it was gone! I watched to see if it reappeared. It didn’t. I was free!

Then, I threw the bunched up letter from sexism into the ocean with my left hand, watching satisfied as it flew into the water, proud that I could throw pretty well with my left, too. It then bobbed a bit in the water, was picked up by a wave, turned over, and was gone, too! Freedom!

I decided to walk on the beach for a little bit with my feet in the water whenever a wave would come close. I found a sand dollar I liked and decided to take it with me as a memento of this important occasion. After a short walk, I sat down into the sand and just looked into the ocean as its water glistened in the sun, remembering what it just had taken from me. Somehow the ritual didn’t feel complete. I wanted to somehow seal the freedom into my being. So I touched the soles of my bare feet, put the sand dollar on top of my heals (because I couldn’t figure out where else to put it 😉 ) and did three seated sun-breaths, stretching my arms out to the side, lifting them up over my head as I breathed in, and then touching my palms and lowering my hands & arms as I breathed out.

Breathing in freedom.
Breathing out – let it go.
Breathing in freedom.
Breathing out – let it go.
Breathing in freedom.
Breathing out letting the sense of freedom settle into my body.

On my way home, I listened to three songs by Dikanda dancing mostly in my mind to the music: The Rachenitsa Lazito, the Čoček De Le Lej, and the Yiddish song Sha Stil.

Because the sun was setting as I wrote this, the fog was rolling in again, I was pleased that I decided not to wait until sunset!

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