At the end of an article on HuffPo where a women now in her second marriage shares what she wished she had told herself on her first wedding day, is this invitation:

Want to share what you’d tell yourself on your wedding day now that you’re divorced?

My first thoughts were:
I’d just tell myself: DON’T DO IT! Run away as fast as you can from any ideas of marriage and fall passionately in love with yourself and your life!

Of course, then I went right on thinking (because that’s what I do) and so decided to put it all down, in part because I need to hear this now as I am grappling with readjusting after another coupled relationship hurt me deeply. Clearly, even a part-time version does not protect me from pain.

Dear bride,

DON’T DO IT! Run away as fast as you can from any ideas of marriage and fall passionately in love with yourself and your life!

Seriously! You are living in a world that is filled with sexism and singlism, which greatly decreases the chance of a marriage or even a coupled relationship being supportive and healthy for you. Add to this your tendency to be empathic and tolerant and you are particularly vulnerable to be targeted by someone who will use your beautiful traits to try to fill his empty cup. (These traits, by the way, this same culture enhances in women, which ought to make us pause.) It is not your responsibility to fill up his cup! And stop making it yours!

Instead of helping someone else live happily ever after, making his life better, throw that energy into your own life! Create a life that you love! Fall passionately in love with yourself (like nobody ever has) and dance away into the sunset happily ever after! Because you know deep down, you are happier when you do that, when you focus on yourself, on your life. Nobody can give you that. And don’t let anybody take that away from you!

Love,

Been-there-done-that and Not-Doing-It-Again