Inner and Outer Dissonance
I was born into the wrong life:
Unconventional ideas
with a conventional lifestyle.
I can see things clearly
without the inner strength to change them.
I can see how to live
without the courage to live it.
I got a radical brain
and conventional habits.
It’s tearing me apart.
Eating me alive.
I don’t know how to break free.
Glimpses of freedom
are quickly covered again
by the voices of norms.
I never learned how to do this
and the dissonance is pulling me apart.
Longing to find the support
to bring inner and outer into alignment
and don’t know where to look.
Even there are the stories of convention
preventing me from seeing and acting.
Unconventional ideas
with a conventional lifestyle.
I can see things clearly
without the inner strength to change them.
I can see how to live
without the courage to live it.
I got a radical brain
and conventional habits.
It’s tearing me apart.
Eating me alive.
I don’t know how to break free.
Glimpses of freedom
are quickly covered again
by the voices of norms.
I never learned how to do this
and the dissonance is pulling me apart.
Longing to find the support
to bring inner and outer into alignment
and don’t know where to look.
Even there are the stories of convention
preventing me from seeing and acting.
I thought i had left cognitive dissonance behind when i stepped out of Corporate America. I understood this morning that it’s still plaguing me – more intensely, often almost debilitating. It seems that i have been able to touch its root, though, this morning, which i try to capture in this poem.
I have been acculturated to live a conventional life while also learning to critique that very same culture! I am left without tools, without the inner freedom, really, to step out from under the cultural norms, to live consistent with my critique. Fortunately, it occurred to me this morning that what i am experiencing these days might be my struggle to become free. So, maybe there is a way out of this cognitive dissonance.
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Totally understand where you are coming from.
When perusing OKCupid for new platonic friends to share hobbies with (my old friends are married and have other interests now) there was this one person who had an interesting profile.
She said she worked for the universe and that coworkers and customers were no longer opposed.
She seemed to be free but said she still had a problem with want.
Your poem reminded me of that ad. And it does seem strange to always criticize the system in which you were born and the conveniences it offers without knowing how to give it up and live differently.
oh, YES !! how clearly this summarizes the deepest angst and frustration of modern humanity……instead of knowing how to balance the 2 opposites….we moderns, progressives, liberals, humanists, are pretty much all in this quandary !! i believe all drug use comes from that source of struggle…..with no support to heal such a widespread and painful rift in our hearts, we’ve developed the worst responses and lost our way toward the deep ……..
…the deep connection of human hearts, souls and minds to the only place this can heal truly !
…interesting that even with all the great teachers, guides, priests, saints and compassionate volunteers-for-listening…..none, not one has rallied us to gatherings of true, effective and large scale, broad-based healing…
…just watched super guru, ram dass, at 73, speak to enthralled audience…still, it’s only each of us taking this kind of journey inward, persisting to face it, that’s where our only hope dwells….i believe….
your sharing this makes me feel less alone with my own similar pain and needs….
namaste
Interesting comment, Shira! I wonder what this large scale, broad-based healing gathering could look like? You mean something more akin to community-building, i mean real community, not the pseudo, temporary kind of retreats?