with a conventional lifestyle.
I can see things clearly
without the inner strength to change them.
I can see how to live
without the courage to live it.
I got a radical brain
and conventional habits.
It’s tearing me apart.
Eating me alive.
I don’t know how to break free.
Glimpses of freedom
are quickly covered again
by the voices of norms.
I never learned how to do this
and the dissonance is pulling me apart.
Longing to find the support
to bring inner and outer into alignment
and don’t know where to look.
Even there are the stories of convention
preventing me from seeing and acting.
I thought i had left cognitive dissonance behind when i stepped out of Corporate America. I understood this morning that it’s still plaguing me – more intensely, often almost debilitating. It seems that i have been able to touch its root, though, this morning, which i try to capture in this poem.
I have been acculturated to live a conventional life while also learning to critique that very same culture! I am left without tools, without the inner freedom, really, to step out from under the cultural norms, to live consistent with my critique. Fortunately, it occurred to me this morning that what i am experiencing these days might be my struggle to become free. So, maybe there is a way out of this cognitive dissonance.