Happy 2009!
To utilize peer pressure to my advantage, I thought I’d post my goals for 2009 publicly. Essentially, I have three goals:
- Continue working toward overcoming singlism and matrimania, both internalized and in society.
- Develop emotional freedom.
- Stop pouring energy into black holes.
For the first goal, I will continue my work with the Alternatives to Marriage Project, especially through consciousness raising about matrimania and how needs of all unmarried people can be met, whatever their reason for their relationship status. In 2008, I identified several internalized singlism dragons that need taming. That is ongoing work.
The second goal is tied to overcoming internalized singlism but is more specific about how I interact with people. In particular, I am still struggling with the dragon that I need a partner to be complete. So, instead of viewing them as potential friends, I approach men as potential partners. Although I realize that there are some biological reasons for that, some of it is social conditioning, which I would like to counteract because I really don’t like how I act toward men when I view them that way.
My third goal comes from the realization that I often do things without considering what the return on my investment is. Instead of pouring my energy into projects, including friendships, that aren’t very rewarding, I want to focus on those things and people that are rewarding. I only can do so much, so I’d like to use my energy for projects and connections that create more energy, rather than things that simply drain it.
I also want to continue working on things I worked on in 2008: Building and deepening my friendship network; creating community; and laying the foundation for a more meaningful, authentic life; a life that I don’t feel a need to be rescued from (which is tied to goal # 2). This will require defying convention a lot more than I am already doing. And overarching all of this, I want to be patient with myself if I don’t achieve all these goals by January 2nd: My intend is to work toward them, rather than perfectly achieving them.
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Hi Rachel,
This is an interesting statement: “So, instead of viewing them as potential friends, I approach men as potential partners. Although I realize that there are some biological reasons for that, some of it is social conditioning, which I would like to counteract because I really don’t like how I act toward men when I view them that way.”
I think the question of sexuality and singleness is an interesting and complex one… Just because we may choose to be single doesn’t mean we are asexual, right? But choosing to be single may also mean for many having to change certain behaviors/tendencies that, as you point out, we have been enculturated to embody.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your resolutions/goals!!!
— Lisa