And in the midst of all this despair, I want to just go dance. Hide from reality like the rest. It seems too overwhelming to do anything, everything I try too little, not worth the effort, the sacrifice. And then I get stuck because I also know that this is not exactly an ethical response. If I were to see a child run into a street while a car was approaching in a way making a collision very likely, I would not turn on dance music. I’d try to save the child. Well, I hope at least. So why is the prospect of billions of children’s lives in danger so paralyzing?
Cvetkovich suggests that we get stuck in depression because we cannot figure out a solution to the problem(s) that ail us (68). This rings particularly true to me right now as I cannot figure out what my role could be in this climate disaster (or the social one or the economic one) we’re starting to experience.
I learned last year that depression gets triggered when we ruminate on a problem that does not have a solution. My guess is that this is what I am doing. Instead of trying to find The Solution to these crises maybe I need to honor my wish to mourn. 400 ppm.
Cvetkovich points out the therapeutic ability of writing about our experience… Having put my despair “on paper” seems to have lifted it a bit… I am no longer holding it all in!