It took me quite a while to figure that one out. One daily practice was pure fun and the other seemed like a chore. Anar Dana leads to a performance, which somehow upped the ante so much for me that it was no longer fun. Aside from struggling with changing directions by withdrawing from the project, I also started questioning if I am really a dancer when I am not willing to expose myself to the pressure of a performance and its preparation.
It is sad to me that the environment that seems to be created around such performances is filled with stress, including that from the pressure to be perfect. Although it might not be intentionally created, it seems to be there. I want to share dance in a way that is connecting and fun where the dancers are showing the joy of dance, which includes making mistakes and recovering from them. I see performances, if one can call them that, as something that happens in the community, not on a stage. I am guessing that this makes me a person who dances rather than a dancer. And then I wonder why this bothers me so much. I don’t know (yet, maybe).
I find it fascinating how much my journey is bringing up about our culture, about how I relate to dance, and ultimately about what kind of a world I would like to live in. I would enjoy living in a world where everybody dances rather than a few people perfecting moves they show off on a stage!