Cultural Trauma of Loneliness
Mourning my fucked up life
I know I should be grateful
for all I have
but right now I can only see
the dark black hole
of what is missing
connections
friendships
being held
a job I thrive in
love
Instead I have wounds
from three unhealthy relationships
from a bad career choice
tons of online connections
nobody at my place
loads of ideas
and no outlet
nobody seems interest
everybody is full of advice
nothing helps.
Loneliness
that familiar companion
Not being gotten
Not being seen
Not being understood
those familiar companions.
Just dance!
Just cry!
What if I want someone
to just tell me they love me
so much they’ll support me
until I die (a long time from now).
I don’t want to look for the needs
under that. These ARE the needs.
No, this person will not appear
when I just wish hard enough.
These are all lies.
And it sucks to be stuck
because no one is willing to face
that we cannot heal
that we cannot stop being traumatized
on our own.
The change has to be deeper,
more global,
more radical.
And I seem to be the only one who sees this
and wants to do something about it.
Then I am told to
just dance
just cry,
solve your problem on your own,
it’s not social,
it’s not cultural,
it’s you.
No wonder I think I am going in circles!
I AM going in circles!
The individualism meme has gotten
so strong
we don’t even see it when it’s staring
us in the face.
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From a country halfway across the world I can relate so much to your situation… my best friend has been struggling her entire life with the devastating results of sexual trauma and bad relationships. The worst thing is that everyone around her is just like you wrote, which makes it so unbearable and hard..
Singlism, sexism, is everywhere.. If you don’t fit the mold then you are broken..
I try to support her and be a ‘cultural voice of reason’ for her. Man, it’s so hard to fight off the stigmas! Most people don’t understand how much their cultural views affect or hurt others around them.
just wanted to share this and let you know that some of us really do understand. My friend had some of life’s worst thrown down at her. She is strong and I believe you are too 🙂
If only more people around us would show some support.
I love your posts and poems. So just so you know that 2 strangers from the other side of the planet are thinking of you and sending their best wishes and support 🙂
Thank you so much for reaching out, George! I really appreciate that as it can be tough to struggle with all this and it helps knowing that there are others in similar situations. One reason I post my experiences is to let others know that they are not alone! It is good to get reminders that I, too, am not alone 🙂
So sorry you’re feeling so down …….. wish I could help, but I’m stuck in a similar place as you are 🙁
For some reason, I didn’t see your note until 25 days after you posted it, 101anda! Sending you a big virtual hug!