Trying to find out what i want
Finding out that i want
That’s something new for me
Not used to wanting
Not used to allowing myself to want
Used to talk,
to analyze,
to theorize.

Longing to do that
and be held
and cuddle
and love
and be loved.

No more either or.
That’s what i want.
That much is clear.

Powerfully vulnerable.
Vulnerably powerful.
Whatever that means.

Standing up for myself.
And not being afraid to lose love
when i ask for what i want.
Longing to move beyond
the dichotomy of
mind and body.
To truly integrate.
To connect fully
with who i am authentically.
Both mind
and body.
Not just mind
without body.