I have gotten pretty good at recognizing the voice that shames me. Well, i don’t recognize it all the time or as quickly as i would like to. Eventually, though, i realize that “oh, there’s this voice telling me that i am not xyz enough.” Whatever xyz is. It’s there almost all the time. And i am hoping that it’ll become easier for me to differentiate myself from it. To not view it as The Truth.

What i hadn’t noticed until today is that there’s another voice that tears other things apart very similarly. It’s not sunny enough where i live. It’s too noise (not quiet enough). A friend of mine isn’t emailing me enough. Or not considerate enough. Drivers aren’t safe enough. And on and on it goes.

Underneath it all seems to be a strong resistance toward accepting what is. My friend is emailing me when he does. The sun shines when it’s not cloudy (and not nighttime). It is as it is.

The idea that we are not xyz enough is closely tied to shame. We are simply not worthy because we’re not xyz enough. Is the part that is judging everything else as not enough just the other side of the coin? If i fully accept who i am, shame has a hard time creeping in. If i fully accept life, i am building shame resilience within and without. And i can be fully present to life – instead of getting lost in wishing that things were different than they are.

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