What we lost with the gray shades are the opportunities to define relationships in ways that serve us. Instead there is only one relationship – the coupled one. And we’re either in it or not. Zero or one, actually, being single would be zero… If we would go beyond this reduction, all sorts of opportunities would open up. We could deepen our friendships by acknowledging the intimacy that happens (no, intimacy does not equal sexual expression…). We could be coupled with someone and not live together. Our relationships would be as diverse and complex as we are. Maybe this would also lessen the stress on a coupled relationship and reduce the anxiety around being single. Because we could find and give support in all of our relationships – none of them would be “just friendships.”
Whether Rushkoff is correct with his claim of causality around the digital having entered our minds, moving beyond seeing things as either-or options can open us up to possibilities that we haven’t imagined before. Any relationship would be up to the people involved to define and to live. Just imagining such a world, i am filled with joy from the sense of freedom this gives me!
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I suspect that there are many people out there who are uncomfortable with these sorts of “grey shades”, whether relating to marriage or any other topic. These are likely the ones to resist any changes that blur the boundaries of traditionally defined categories. While I find these new possibilities interesting, these other might find them very threatening.
Really, this is more about personal perception than anything else. And that will be shaped by your personal experience, past relationships and so on. I believe exactly the contrary happens. As things like religion and tradition lose their grip fast on our everyday lives (I live in Europe), we find an increasing number of “shades of gray”. You might as well say that these shades were always there, although their differences were somewhat subdued by interpretations based on social acceptance and tradition. And they’ll still be there even if we reduce the vocabulary we use to describe them. Not every man and woman who’s married would define marriage the same way. Even if they happen to be married with one another.
Those are my 5cents.