That’s what the sign read posted to a bulletin board at
SF State. Intrigued, I stepped closer. After all, maybe someone was going to bust some internalized singlism that was causing people some emotional heartaches… Fat chance. The ad was from an MFA (marriage and family agreement?) who was going to help people find their One and Only. So, if you’re unhappily single, the only solution is to become unsingle? And that will automatically make you happy? How about deconstructing the social assumptions that underlie these assumptions because they are what makes many singles unhappy: You are nothing without a mate. You cannot possibly be happy without a mate. Or how about teaching people to be happy whether they are single or not? Developing self-acceptance no matter what our relationship status seems to be a much sounder long-term approach than desperately trying to find a match.
I had a similar reaction when I got a notice of a new meetup. The title was: Done with Dating and I thought, cool! I’m going to be able to meet more happily single people. And then I read the rest of it: From Single to Marriage. Um, no, thanks!
Rachel, I think YOU need to teach that workshop!
Singletude: There’s an idea! Kinda like a revival of the Challenge of Being Single workshops…
I second Singletude’s comment! Rachel needs to start her own workshop! Get on that bulletin board! I’m not going to lie–I have some unhappiness in my life. So does that mean I’m an unhappy single? Or a single who happens to be unhappy (sometimes)? I guess “unhappily single” has a different connotation from “unhappy and single”. The former implies more causation. Therefore the ad title was pretty accurate, even if the workshop concept was stupid.
CC
Chuckle. I am actually working on it – not a workshop per se but I am laying the ground work for some consciousness raising groups.
I think you’re simply a human being! We all are unhappy sometimes… The key is not to blame our singleness for it, i.e., to avoid causation. Being single doesn’t make us unhappy (nor happy!). Our attitudes about life do… (And, I suppose, we could argue that we cannot experience happiness unless we know unhappiness.)