I came out as a Single by Choice in my New Year’s letter to friends and family. Somewhat predictably, the feedback I received is the hope that I’ll find the Right One eventually. Choosing to be single is neither possible nor desirable. Not possible? Being coupled selects one other person and leaves gazillion other potential Right Ones out in the dust. If you’re happily coupled, how do you know that there isn’t a person out there who would make you even happier? Exactly, you don’t. But you stopped looking (at least most people do). Well, why can’t I leave gazillion plus one out in the dust? Sure there might be oodles of people who would make me even happier than I am now but why should I keep looking when I am happy now? I have a bad track-record in picking boy-friends. I have a good track-record in picking friends. I don’t have to build a statistical model to figure out how to optimize that equation… Instead of spending my time trying to find the Right One, I’d rather spend my time creating my life and making it as full and happy as I can.
Underneath it all remains a frustration, though. The frustration that my choice isn’t taken serious. “She’ll grow out of it.” or “Once she finds herself, she’ll be coupled again.” I found myself, thank you very much, and that is why I am single. And the frustration that this is such an unusual choice that it requires a lot of explanation and in the end is still not understood. As Karen Gail Lewis puts it, I look forward to the days when whether we’re coupled is as important as the color of our nails.
“the frustration that this is such an unusual choice that it requires a lot of explanation and in the end is still not understood”
ABSOLUTELY. Though it makes for a lot of blog material. = )
I myself did not make an active choice to be single. I guess I did choose to be happy with the life that chance has thrown at me. They’re probably close to the same thing. In either case, we deserve as much respect for our decisions as other people get for deciding to couple up with someone.
Here’s to track records that teach us what we need to know!
–CC
Lol. As I was writing the post complaining about my frustration I was thinking that it does give me a lot to write about…
Interesting to ponder the differences between choosing to be happy with life no matter what and choosing to be single (and happy with that). In part, I like the in your face side effect of choosing to be single. It opens doors for discussions because it is so unusual, which – despite the frustration it creates – is my way of raising consciousness. Ultimately, though, I think it boils down to embracing my life as it is without regrets. A nice side effect to making this choice: It makes me more careful about who I’d let into my life as a potential sex-and-everything-else partner, which with my track-record is a good precaution…
Hi from Lisa —
I would be very interested in knowing more about what you wrote in your letter. Would you be interested in posting about this, here or at Onely as a guest writer? Let me/us know! It’s a very interesting idea.
L
Hi, Lisa,
I’ll take a look at what I wrote in the letter and see what I’d like to post. It’s a bit more personal than what I put up here although I did post my new year’s resolution…
Thanks for your interest!
Rachel
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Oh yes.. what does it mean to go with what feels right.. personally.. versus the whole edifice we call Consensus Society.. it means that we have learned to listen to the deepest part of our Soul.. & in so doing so having to go through the whole risk of being rejected by the majority.. oh well how does that song go.. “Be What You Wanna Be.. Do What You Wanna Do.. Yeah?”.. The ‘Dark Knight of the Soul’ etc..
Also I am currently studying ‘Evolutionary Astrology’.. as per the book ‘Pluto: & The Evolutionary Joureny of the Soul’ by Jeffrey Green.. ie. Based on the idea that 70% of the world is in
‘the Consensus’ Evolutionary State.. about 20% are in ‘the Individuated’ State.. 5% in ‘the Spiritual’ State.. & the remainder have reached ‘the Avatar’ State.. the most highly evolved state…