Integration and Healing

I realized that I have to do a lot of healing. I’ve spent over 12 years in the corporate world. The discrepancy between what I did and my values created a big gap that needs to heal. And I have to work on forgiveness: Forgiving myself for making the choices I did; for not pursuing my path earlier. I was a single mother with a small child after all.

I also realized how difficult is to find a life-affirming path. We don’t learn how to do this, well, at least I didn’t learn how to do that. I kinda just stumbled along, taking paths that seemed lucrative and semi-interesting. And now I have various parts of myself that represent different skill sets and experiences but they seem to laying around disorganized, unintegrated. One of my transition challenges will be to evaluate what to keep and how to integrate this into a whole. Only this integration will allow me to truly thrive because there is no gap between what I do, how I earn my money, and who I am. It is difficult to simply dismiss the money-making skills. But they only make money in the corporate world and dread having to ever go back to that.

The first step for healing and integration is to ask myself some questions:

  • What do I need to unlearn?
  • What do I need to heal?
  • What do I need to integrate?

What do I need to unlearn?
As I was listing what I need to learn, I realized that there is also quite a bit that I need to unlearn! All the cultural-conditioning that had brought me to this wounded place in the first place. I think the most important thing that I need to unlearn is to worry about what others will think without becoming a total isolationist… Arriving at being our own person who can relate to other people with respect and love without letting their judgments and critical voices – if any! – push us off our path is rather challenging in a society that feeds messages constantly that we should be a certain way (while ironically at the same time feeding us individualistic messages!). If we don’t have a spouse and 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence – or worse don’t even desire any of that – we have some explaining to do. And, obviously, there are other things we should want: Money, a secure income, etc. We’re supposed to follow a set path but as the 11th permaculture principle reminds us: “Don’t think you’re on the right track just because it is a well-beaten path.”

The other two questions are obvious from what I wrote above. Have you found any questions particularly useful in your transformations?

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