I was asked to review Eric Klinenberg’s new book Going Solo. A sucker for free books, i agreed not realizing that i might end up reading a book in less time than i would enjoy. Fortunately, the book isn’t one of those back-handed singlist books, so cramming wasn’t too painful. Aside from its groundedness in research that Bella DePaulo already noted, what i most enjoyed about the book is that Eric isn’t afraid to look at the dark side of being single – or being a singleton, as Eric calls those of us who are single and live alone. The … Continue reading »
Jan 262012
Mourning how hard it is for me to hear that i matter to someone that someone enjoys my presence. My mind scans the environment to find evidence that disproves that i matter. The look of a stranger is interpreted as disapproval. A friend’s shifting plans are seen as not mattering. A surprise connection is ignored because it does not fit with my mattering. I can’t possibly be lovable. It can’t be true that people care about me that i matter. They’ll go away again. Soon. They always do. And then i’ll be back in the lonely hole of shame behind … Continue reading »
For 2012, my intention is to explore the question: Is emotional freedom from cultural conditioning possible? My plan is to investigate this not only theoretically. I want to really push up against my own edges and boundaries and see what is possible. I already found that my pilgrimage plans were scaring me so much that i decided to slow down the pace. Maybe this pilgrimage will take two years instead of one. Maybe i will keep a place for rent, though it’ll be smaller than where i live now. That’s one of the forms of cultural imprinting that i’ll look … Continue reading »
Dec 262011
More than a year ago, i first blogged about my choice to remain celibate as well as a single by choice (yes, you can be single and non-celibate! One does not imply the other). Then, i started to read a book it – mostly looking for an answer to the question “what do i do with all that sexual energy?!?” That does not go away just because we decide to be celibate… As i pointed out in my previous post, flamenco just isn’t my thing – yet, i love to folk dance and i’ve noticed that a lot of my … Continue reading »
Sep 212011
The first question Sarah asked in response to my rant about how difficult i am finding it to build community: What kind of community are you trying to build? Good question! As a spinster by choice, a woman who weaves her own life, i am interested in building a support network that replaces the traditional family (both nuclear and extended) with a network of people i chose. I envision that this network offers mutual support and helps us all live more resilient, secure lives because we know there are others who have our backs. I’d love to have connections where … Continue reading »
Sep 192011
Today marks the second day of National Single and Unmarried Americans Week, which in the past has been recognized by singles advocates and the Census bureau – and not much media coverage. This year, the New York times is reporting on the plight of singles. No, this plight does not stem from our inability to find a partner. It’s the plight of invisibility. About 100 million Americans, nearly half of all adults, are unmarried, according to the Census Bureau — yet they tend to be overlooked by policies that favor married couples, from family-leave laws to lower insurance rates. That … Continue reading »
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