Comments on: Barbara Oakley’s Evil Genes

By: Errol D. Alexander

Errol D. Alexander — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 04:29:29 +0000

I saw Oakley on C-Span and I have to buy into Oakley’s theme, and research. If we accept that some people are worthy of being classified as saints because of their behavior or others are mad because of their lack of empathy, then we should accept that some people are born that way. I believe some people are born to be leaders as well as some are motivated by the inner drive of being superior to others. And some people like doing things to and for other people based on how they are wired..

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 01:18:06 +0000

MC wrote: “they see someone like my mom and go oh she didn’t mean to hurt you she’s sick.” That is one fear I have about Oakley’s approach: It could be used as an excuse for abuse, as you pointed out MC. I don’t think Oakley means it that way but given that alcohol abuse is often characterized as a disease, maybe emotional/verbal abuse will be categorized that way, too. (Only very few alcoholics are actually physically addicted to alcohol. Most have emotional addictions…). There’s just absolutely NO excuse for violence!

In general, though, I think emotional abuse is often not recognized as such. That is probably in part because it only becomes obvious after spending some time with the abuser but also because it’s less visible. A bruise is harder to talk away than undermined self-worth!

By: MC

MC — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 01:02:04 +0000

Thank you Katheryn, well put, I however I think the lower functioning BPD’s are just as hard to treat. I would classify mine as a lower functioning BPD, she’s in need of constant medication/therapy, however she has her therapists believing everyone else is the problem and screwing up her life. Now she’s at the point where there is nobody left to blame without sounding insane. The last few things I heard that she was blaming me for anyone would hear it and laugh and realize it was completely out of line. I also agree that you have to spend a lot of time with these individuals to see the pathology going on. With my mother, sometimes it took letting someone get ‘bit’ by her for them to understand how she treats people, despite my warning they would go in, then call me back and say see what you mean you weren’t kidding. I think as a society though the sooner we figure out how to deal with this illness the better off we will be since this is a disease affecting relationships, the sooner people know and realize this the better it will be for us normal people who just got stuck with one of these borderline relatives. In other words don’t give this mental illness the equivilence of a license to be verbally and emotionally abusive. That’s where I feel society is at the moment they see someone like my mom and go oh she didn’t mean to hurt you she’s sick. I’m sorry that’s no reason to disrespect your daughter and treat her like trash. I just say sorry you wouldn’t tell a woman to go back to an physically abusive husband so why does society allow for the emotional abuse of these people to continue.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:40:52 +0000

It seems like some early posts are simply attacking some statements made by the author. I have a mother with Borderline Personlaity Disorder. This disorder is so ingrained into her personality she believes that there is nothing wrong with her, it is anyone who does not believe and support her who have the problem. Having a mother with such a manipulative personality disorder has caused her victims to question themselves as to what has actually transpired in certain situations. The extent that a borderline patient will hurt those around them in really hard to believe until you live it for 30 years. The author’s sister may have a high-functioning personality disorder. These high-functioning borderlines are very difficult to treat and diagnose because they know how to change their behavior when it is required. A borderline patient may only attack a small group of immediate family member and act fine in social situations. I don’t think we can really understand the author’s sisters bpd, until you spend large amounts of time with this individual to see the pathology she has.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:48:57 +0000

MC - Also having lived with someone who has BPD or NPD certainly prompted me to learn about these disorders. So, I can relate to Oakley’s wish to find out more after her sister’s theft of her mother’s boyfriend.

By: MC

MC — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:21:03 +0000

I think Oakley may not have expressed some things clearly enough for someone who has never dealt with someone with BPD/NPD, reading her comment having read Stop Walking on Eggshells and recovering from a bad relationship with a BPD mother I agree with her comments completely. If you all lived in my house growing up you would have clearly seen the gaslighting and the placing the blame on everyone else, the manipulation of everyone including counselors and the everything is about me routine. I can believe there are differences in brain scans because it would make sense that a normal person who can control their emotional responses to things and take the blame upon themselves are goign to have different brain responses than those who set it all on someone else.